An Ode to Nostalgia, Boyhood, Manhood, And the Second Half
“Oh write me a beacon so I know the way, Guide my love through night and through day. Only the sunset knows my blind desire for the fleeting, Only the moon understands the beauty of love, When held by a hand like the aura of nostalgia” -Nostalgia, by Emily Barker and the Red Clay Halo
“The German language has a word for this joyward longing that Lewis describes: sehnsucht. This is the haunting longing that touched Lewis throughout his life, that full, heavy, enveloping nostalgia for a fulfillment that awaited him—in something, somewhere.” —Joy and Sehnsucht, The Laughter and Longings of C. S. Lewis
Top Gun
I was around 14 when the orginal Top Gun debuted and I frequented The Apollo Theater in Oberlin, Ohio at least seven times with my best friend Aaron to “feel the need for speed.”
Top Gun enmeshed itself in my life as a seminal linchpin of my puberty. The campy-ness of the movie fit the 80s mood, but I had little awareness of the basic underlying themes of edge, adventure, and testing the boundaries of “the rules” with budding wild masculinity (”tower, this is Ghostrider requesting a flyby”)
To learn that a sequel was being produced a few years back, (a sequel that was put off several years til 2022 by the “pandemic”) raised one curious eyebrow for me, and I made a mental note to see it, but not much more than that. (Recently, my wife watched with a big grin as we caught up with the original on Netflix; apparently she caught glimpses of the 14 year old in a 50 year old body.)
Top Gun: Maverick
I was unprepared for what happened my wife and I sat in the theater to watch the sequel. The movie is well done, authentic, with many “echoes” back to the original. I expected goosebumps at the opening credits, but then waves of emotion, one after the other until it took me off my feet. I cried for nearly half the movie; It embarrassed my wife as we walked out. I couldn’t even speak to her.
Why the tears? What happened to me?
If the first Top Gun is about a young man finding his way, the second one is about a much older and accomplished man seeking meaning and dealing with unfinished business as he faces the question of significance in the second half of his life.
In Top Gun: Maverick, the movie shows he has never reached his potential.
He still holds the same rank despite his legendary accomplishments. And, in spite of this this, Maverick is called back to Top Gun academy to teach the next generation how to achieve a nearly impossible mission.
The officer in charge of Top Gun Academy has his doubts.
And despite his bravado, Maverick has never realized his potential in intimate relationships; his past love interest in the movie is determined not to get sucked into his romantic wiles again. She has a daughter who also is clear-eyed in her assessment of Mavericks’ failings.
The new assignment forces Maverick to deal with regrets about the death of Goose, his former flying partner: Goose’s son (call sign ‘Rooster’) is among the pilots he will teach. Their relationship is marred by past meddling of Maverick: He set Goose’s son’s career back years in a misguided attempt to protect him from becoming a pilot. Rooster himself is great pilot, yet hesitant and over cautious as his dad’s accidental death also hangs over him.
Without giving away too many spoilers, Maverick and Rooster are thrust into a mission that will bring the past, regret, redemption, father-son themes, and trusting the self while living at the edge.
My Lessons from Top Gun: Maverick
For me, the film represented multiple full circle moments wrapped in the powerful and useful nostalgic feelings.
The callbacks and references in the movie do more than just tip a hat to the original; I felt they are a reference to the spiraling nature of repeating history in our lives through the next generations. What impact have we created on the world? On the younger image-bearers who come after us?
I too am in the second half of life. I have regrets, pains, and questions about the redeem-ability of my second half. Am I useful? Shouldn’t I have been further along by now? Is there hope to make something out of all the missed opportunities? Am I doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes?
I too am re-confronted, called again to live at my edge, in somewhat of a phoenix like rebirth of my manhood over these last several years. Sure, Maverick can keep testing the edges he knows well like breaking the rules “in the air”. But what about the test of his own legacy? Can he overcome his stuck-ness in career?
Remember “Highway to the Danger Zone”?
Revvin’ up your engineListen to her howlin’ roarMetal under tensionBeggin’ you to touch and goHighway to the Danger ZoneRide into the Danger ZoneHeadin’ into twilightSpreadin’ out her wings tonightShe got you jumpin’ off the deckShovin’ into overdriveHighway to the Danger ZoneI’ll take you right into the Danger ZoneYou’ll never say hello to youUntil you get it on the red line overloadYou’ll never know what you can doUntil you get it up as high as you can goOut along the edgesAlways where I burn to beThe further on the edgeThe hotter the intensityHighway to the Danger ZoneGonna take it right into the Danger ZoneHighway to the Danger ZoneRide into, the Danger Zone
Full on 80’s camp.
But I can’t deny the realities of the necessity of living on the edge.
My middle son is the same age now as I was back when the original came out; and I’m staring down the challenge of transferring all I have learned, especially these past incredible 3 years, into him and my other two kids. Just as Maverick wonders if he has what it takes to teach, so do I.
The Benefits of Nostalgia
Historians have derided nostalgia as living in the past, but recently researchers have shown that it can be positive if processed in a healthy way.
For me, the nostalgia around this movie has helped me process where I’ve come from, where I’m going, and provide hope for the future. In the second quote at the beginning of this post, CS Lewis found something in this special longing; he found joy. Joy that transported him ever upwards and onwards, even in the face of the death of his wife.
One of the turning points of the movie is when Maverick visits his rival-turned-close-friend-and-confidant, Iceman. The sum total of Iceman’s advice to Maverick is to “Learn to let go.”
I would agree.
Learning to let go of the past by revisiting it, then letting it go, has put wind in my sails that propels me onwards and upwards to joy amid the transience of this life.
Win Your Second Half
One of the most powerful metaphors given to me by a friend in the past few years:
“Games are won in the second half.”
Would it free you to know that the mistakes you have made in your life don’t matter?
I don’t mean that they don’t have consequence. It stinks to be down 28-3 in the first half of the Super Bowl.
But it makes for an even better story when you make halftime adjustments and win the game in the second half.
What are your halftime adjustments? Let’s make them together and go win.